Colossians 3 19

Colossians 3:19 kjv

Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Colossians 3:19 nkjv

Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Colossians 3:19 niv

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

Colossians 3:19 esv

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Colossians 3:19 nlt

Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

Colossians 3 verses

Colossians 3 19 Meaning

Colossians 3:19 issues a clear two-fold command to husbands: an affirmative call to love their wives and a negative prohibition against treating them harshly. This instruction defines the foundation of the husband's conduct within Christian marriage, rooting it in a selfless, active love that fundamentally opposes any form of bitterness, unkindness, or cruelty. It outlines the specific way in which a husband is to embody the Christ-centered life within his most intimate human relationship.

Colossians 3 19 Context

Colossians chapter 3 begins by exhorting believers to set their minds on things above, where Christ is seated, having been raised with Him. This heavenly focus is the foundation for transformed earthly living. Verses 1-17 describe the "putting off" of the old, sinful nature and the "putting on" of the new, Christ-like nature, characterized by virtues like compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and supremely, love which binds everything together.

Colossians 3:18-4:1 forms a section known as "Household Codes" (Haustafeln), where Paul applies the theological principles of the new life in Christ to specific societal relationships: wives to husbands, children to parents, slaves to masters. This was a common literary device in ancient Hellenistic and Roman ethical teachings, but Paul radically redefines these roles by grounding them "in the Lord" and in service to Christ. Instead of merely upholding social order, these instructions become part of Christian discipleship, aimed at mutual respect, submission to Christ, and selfless love, transforming conventional relationships into arenas for displaying Christian virtue and honoring God. Verse 19 specifically addresses husbands within this framework.

Colossians 3 19 Word analysis

• Husbands (ἀνδρες - andres): This term refers to adult males, specifically those who are married and hold the traditional role of head of the household in Greco-Roman society. The command is specifically directed to them, highlighting their unique responsibilities and influence within the family unit.

• love (ἀγαπᾶτε - agapate): This is the Greek word agape in the present active imperative.

  • Present Tense: Signifies continuous, ongoing action, not a one-time event. It is a constant commitment.
  • Active Voice: Implies the husband is the initiator of this action. It's not passive or conditional.
  • Imperative Mood: A command, not a suggestion. It conveys a divine mandate.
  • Agape: Refers to a selfless, sacrificial, unconditional, and volitional love. It is not primarily an emotion (eros or philia) but a deliberate act of the will, always seeking the highest good of the beloved, even if it requires personal cost. It is the love characteristic of God himself (1 Jn 4:8) and epitomized by Christ (Eph 5:25).

• your wives (τὰς γυναῖκας - tas gynaikes): This identifies the specific recipients of the husband's agape love. It emphasizes the direct, personal application of the command to the wife, distinguishing it from general philanthropy.

• and do not be harsh (καὶ μὴ πικραίνεσθε - kai mē pikrainesthe): This is a negative command using mē (forbid), and pikrainesthe is a present passive imperative from the verb pikrainō.

  • Mē: A strong prohibition.
  • Present Tense: Continuous avoidance. Don't be habitually harsh or continually become harsh.
  • Passive Voice: Can suggest "do not let yourselves be made bitter" or "do not become bitter/embittered," which then manifests as harshness. It might refer to an internal state that leads to external actions.
  • Harsh (πικραίνεσθε - pikrainesthe): From pikrainō, meaning "to make bitter, embitter, irritate, provoke, treat bitterly or harshly." This encompasses a wide range of negative behaviors: verbal abuse, cruel words, scolding, nagging, neglect, emotional distance, resentment, physical unkindness, and coldness. It implies a souring of disposition, leading to unpleasant treatment. This actively undermines agape love.

• Words-group analysis:

  • "Love your wives and do not be harsh with them": This dual command functions as a single comprehensive instruction. The positive command to "love" inherently includes the negative command "not to be harsh." However, specifying "do not be harsh" directly addresses a common failing, particularly in a patriarchal society, and underlines that the agape love mandated for husbands must actively manifest in gentleness and kindness, explicitly ruling out forms of abuse, emotional distance, and coldness. This specific negative injunction prevents a superficial understanding of "love," ensuring it encompasses action and disposition. True agape cannot coexist with harshness.

Colossians 3 19 Bonus section

• Counter-Cultural Radicalism: This instruction for husbands to sacrificially love and not be harsh was a radical departure from many prevailing cultural norms that often permitted a husband's arbitrary or even abusive authority over his wife. Paul is not merely accommodating social structures but transforming them from within, injecting gospel values into the core of household relationships.
• Christ-Likeness: The specific command to love like Christ (as elaborated in Eph 5) means laying down one's life, valuing the other above oneself, and seeking to sanctify and nourish them. The absence of harshness is a practical demonstration of Christ's gentleness and patience.
• Spiritual Warfare: Bitterness and harshness are identified as spiritual strongholds and expressions of the "old self" that Christians are commanded to put off (Col 3:8; Eph 4:31). This means the call to love and not be harsh is not merely about good relationship advice but about embodying the renewed identity in Christ and actively participating in spiritual transformation within marriage.
• For the Wife's Flourishing: The command is given for the flourishing of the wife, preventing her spirit from being crushed or embittered, and creating an environment where she can thrive and grow in Christ, unhindered by fear or resentment.
• Not Permitting Passive Aggression: The injunction "not to be harsh" extends beyond overt acts. It also includes subtle forms of emotional or relational neglect, passive-aggressiveness, or constant criticism that can gradually embitter a marriage. Love (agape) requires active, positive engagement and cherishing.

Colossians 3 19 Commentary

Colossians 3:19 presents a counter-cultural mandate for husbands. In a Greco-Roman world where a husband’s authority was often absolute and women had few legal protections, Paul’s command elevates the wife’s dignity and well-being. The emphasis on agape love transcends mere emotion; it calls for a deliberate, sacrificial, and unconditional commitment to the wife's welfare, spiritual growth, and flourishing, mirroring Christ's love for the Church. This love must actively exclude harshness, which encompasses all forms of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, as well as chronic unkindness, bitterness, or neglect. Harshness, by definition, tears down, embitters, and harms, directly opposing the building-up nature of agape. For a husband, this verse demands self-control, patience, understanding, and a constant, prayerful reliance on God to reflect Christ’s character in his marriage. It calls husbands to be instruments of grace, not grievance, within their homes, ensuring that the atmosphere they cultivate for their wives is one of safety, honor, and loving affirmation.